My sister Meenakshi Bharathi was born on 24 September 1965. She was married to her first cousin, Thiru Gnanam, on 1 November 1981. (1) She passed away exactly after completing 45 years of married life on 31 October 2026. This is exactly five weeks after my elder brother Thambi Durai passed away (2). She was five years younger to him and passed away five weeks after him. She had a son and two daughters and six grand childran, two each from her three wards. It might look like she had a full life. I wish she lived for two more decades enjoying the fruits of the hard labour of four and half decades.

I am the second son to our parents (3). After me, my mother had two girls (Vanathi and Meenakshi Bharathi) and then two boys (Sidharthan and Ramalingam). Meenakshi, as we called her, was the younger girl in the family. I remember her as a young, active, vociferous girl running around bubbling with enthusiasm. We lived in a compound, which had Aladi Sami Madam (2) and a big open area for us to play. There were two trees, one peeple and one neem and plenty of open area for the children to play. Though our house was small the area outside was large. The doors were never locked. Thinking back, we must have been poor but we never felt poor. There were days when our mother or an aunty would have a pot full of ‘kanji’ (old rice soaked in water) and some pickle and keep giving it to all the children sitting around in the open area outside our house.

Then one day, I vividly remember, Meenakshi was walking back from school somewhat shyish and looking tired around lunch time. She was accompanied by someone. She was a student at the OCPM Girls higher secondary school. I must have been in The American College for my PUC if my memory serves me right and was at home. Maybe she was 14 at that time. In our extended family, there was already talks about Vanathi being married to our maternal uncle (my mother’s younger brother). As I had mentioned in a blog on my parents (3), my mother was one of 10 surviving children, 5 boys and 5 girls. The family decided that a daughter of three elder sisters would be married to the three young brothers. My sister Vanathi married the youngest brother Shenbagamurthy, her maternal uncle, on 15 March 1981, when she was 17.

I learnt that, my father’s brother-in-law, my uncle had requested that our family give Meenakshi in marriage to his elder son, Thirugnanam even before Vanathi was married. My father had two sisters and this brother-in-law had married the elder one. She was elder to my father as well. They had five children, two sons and three daugthers. One daughter died very young and the others survived. My aunty passed away shortly after delivering the fifth child. My uncle then married another women and they had two sons and two daughters as well. This uncle with four sons and four daughters from two marriages was looking for a woman to come home as the eldest daughter-in-law, who would take care of the whole family. Except, Meenakshi was just around 15 at that time. My father loved his elder sister so much, he was committed to taking care of her children. In case you had read my blog on my parents, when my father was promised one seat in TVS High School, our cousin was admitted and my elder brother continued in A.C. High School near our home. Not surprisingly, my father agreed that Meenakshi would be married to my uncle’s eldest son when she just turned 16. She may have been informed and not consulted. I do not remember speaking up at that time. My elder brother informed me later in life that he did object to this.

Meenakshi was married when she was 16 and had three children in the next few years. She had a mother-in-law (second-wife of our uncle) who was not so friendly. Our mother asked Meenakshi to take care of Thriu Gnanam’s brothers and sisters from both mothers. I can imagine it must have been a major struggle for her in the initial years. After some period, Thiru Gnanam and Meenakshi started living in their own house, though smaller than where her father-in-law, his wife and children were living. Soon, Meenakshi assumed the role of the eldest daughter-in-law and took charge. Our family provided all the support as and when needed. Meenakshi and Thiru Gnanam worked hard and raised not only their 3 children but also took care of Thiru Gnanam’s brother, two sisters and also the two brothers and two sisters from father-in-law’s second family. Meenakshi had done everything to earn a living from preparing pickles to be sold, joining her husband in running businesses, selling oil, stamp papers, and taking care of the kids. I have another vivid memory of seeing Meenakshi running bare-foot in the ground in front of the Tallakulam Perumal Kovil. I felt bad watching her like this. They lived in a small street close to the temple.

Our uncle passed away long ago. Except for the elder sister of Thiru Gnanam, they conducted the wedding of everyone else in the family. Meenakshi accepted the role and worked very hard for her in-law’s family. Just a few months ago, I was talking to her husband Thiru Gnanam. He said: Meenakshi did everything and saved enough to conduct the many weddings. In her family, she became the matriarch and everyone listened to her. Leadership came to her naturally. In a way, she followed our mother’s footsteps and had the dominating presence in her family (3).

For several years, she had complained about gasping and was coughing a lot. Her condition was not diagnosed properly for more than a year. Eventually, we found out she had ‘systemic sclerosis’. Eventually it turned out to be scleroderma plus ild ( interstitial lung disease). When the diagnosis was done, her lung was already severly affected. She lived with continuous oxygen support for about two years. Her haemoglobin would drop drastically, requiring two units of blood every few weeks. Her daughter Subha took care of her continuously and tirelessly. When my brother passed away on 26 September 2026, after 10 days of ICU stay, Meenakshi was in a hospital getting bloods. Typically, she was given one unit in an afternoon and another unit in the next morning. She was keen on seeing my brother one last time. We waited for her to come home after blood transfusion. She came to him and said: I thought you would see me off! She did not cry and some relatives found it strange. One person could not resist asking her. Her response: No tears left!.

In the last two years or so, after the blood transfusion, Meenakshi was taken to her home, in the first floor of a building, and rested in her bed. Though she could not move around freely, she stayed there in reasonable comfort until the next units of blood were needed. This routine was affected when my brother passed away as she came to his house which was far away. When she returned to her home next morning, she could not climb up and struggled. She was admitted in a hospital and recovered slowly after a week. However, since that day, her health detiorated and she breathed her last on 31st October 2026 around 0030 hours. As I write this the day before Deepavali in 2026, I remember the joyous Deepavali we had last year in Madurai. Though, Meenakshi was suggested that she should not go out anywhere, she wanted to came to our home in Madurai and joined the Deepavali celebrations. All six of us were there with all our family members. We are two less now! My elder brother took charge as the eldest in the family and cared for everyone. My younger sister became the eldest daughter-in-law in my uncle’s family and took charge and cared for everyone.

1. In 1978, India amended the Child marriage restraint act, 1929 to increase the legal age of marriage from 15 to 18 for a female and 18 to 21 for a male. This would make my sister’s marriage illegal in 1981.
2. https://earunan.org/2026/10/28/aaladi-saami-madam-and-aaladi-thambidhurai/ (accessed on 7 November 2026)
3. https://earunan.org/2024/01/23/my-parents-%e0%ae%8e%e0%ae%a9%e0%af%8d-%e0%ae%aa%e0%af%86%e0%ae%b1%e0%af%8d%e0%ae%b1%e0%af%8b%e0%ae%b0%e0%af%8d-en-petror/ (Accessed on 7 November 2026)